Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sooo about that heart

Ok everyone probably thinks I am a sickly person, but I swear I am not, I just have a couple conditions!!!  I have had issues most of my life with injuries and illnesses and it never seems to end!!!  I had my first head injury when I was about five getting into a bike accident and destroying my face and skull, then in my freshman year of high school I hit my head on the diving board during diving practice, which effectively ended my diving career, I spent a lot of years through high school sick trying to figure out my lifelong GI issues, they finally settled on gastroparesis and IBS.  It sucked dealing with these issues losing too much weight because of the inability to eat and the constant medications, but I finally got it all under control in my early 20s.  After I had Loki I had some of my worst problems, in November 2011 I ended up in the ER for the first time in my life in severe pain, that led to three months in and out of hospitals in severe pain losing about five pounds a week and up to 15 medications at one point.  They eventually found that my gallbladder had died and was attaching to and suffocating my other organs, needless to say I of course got it out, unfortunately it was a little too late and I got some lasting effects that compounded upon my current conditions, I am still learning how to deal with this, but it is much better than almost starving to death!  As for currently, of course I try to go on a nice vacation last week and collapse only to find my heart has issues!  This has been a bad year for medical conditions for me, currently the status on my heart is that it can't be fixed :-( My gastroparesis is caused by a damaged vagus nerve and my heart problem is a result of this as well, there is a possibility that I will need a pacemaker, but I am currently just taking it one day at a time!  I know this is a boring post, but sometimes it is hard having all these conditions and falling in the middle of the crowd.  I look at people and I am always like I wonder what it would feel like to go a single day without feeling sick.  There is one thing that having all these issues has taught me is that life can be gone in a minute, the last time I went to the ER back in February I honestly didn't think I would get out, I was literally starving to death, I spent months ravaging my body, not eating and not drinking, I felt like a zombie and now only months later I am in the same situation with my heart, sitting in a hospital alone in the middle of nowhere with the fear that my heart may stop at any second.  It really opens your eyes as to what is important in life, every time I got out all I wanted to do was see my son, hug him and tell him how much I loved him.  It taught me that sometimes we have to take risks in life, not to be afraid to do what you want, but also don't be afraid to do what you feel is right.  Also have babies haha I know that sounds weird, but I would have nobody or nothing worth life without him, he will always love me and give me a huge smile and big hug and a wet kiss.  There are simple things in life, give all you can and love as much as possible.  What is life worth when all you do is care about yourself to me I wouldn't be whole without having people to care about and take care of.  It is so great watching people be happy, making them happy and seeing all the great things in life.  Sometimes I think people get too self absorbed in their insecurities and fears that they don't enjoy life, take risks, do something you may not be comfortable with it may end up great it may end up bad, but life is an adventure, take the good and the bad and make it an experience, make your life something worth remembering :-)

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