Friday, August 3, 2012

Trust

I would say the worst thing that has happened to me over the years is I have lost all trust for anyone.  I have very few friends mainly because there are so many that break my trust.  I want to trust people and believe them, but to be honest especially after the last couple months I don't feel like I can trust anyone.  People that have been close to me, who I have opened up to have broken my trust too many times.  People laughing at me behind my back, betraying me, backstabbing me, sometimes I feel naive or dumb for continuing to trust people.  I am always going to believe that there is something good about every person, but do I believe that every person will be good to me.....no, in fact to be honest I don't feel like many people have considered my feelings when they made decisions that would negatively affect me.  I know in general people can never truly be altruistic, but when I make decisions I always try to think about the negative consequences for others and try to find a way to avoid these consequences for them, sometimes I even try to sacrifice some of my happiness to make others happy.  Yes, I am a pleaser that is probably why I do what I tend to do.  I find a lot of people just take advantage of me, I guess it happens, I choose not to keep those people in my life, but when I do find amazing people I try to keep them close and trust them.  Sometimes life just wears on me as well and I feel blinded by everything that is happening around me and it affects my other relationships because I start feeling like I cannot even trust people around me.  I hate when I let my life blind me at times and I apologize for that.  I am just trying as hard as possible to trust people, it isn't always easy with everything that happened and is happening, but I am trying.

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